I’ve recently been pondering the concept of human defecation; rather the act of defecating… (What? were you expecting some deep profound opening statement? God, quit putting me in a box.) I started thinking about it during a conversation I had with my girlfriend while taking a “shit”, It went a little something like this:
GF: What are you up to?
Me: Just here thinking about stuff; thinking about you…and taking a shit.
GF: You think about me when you take a shit?
Me: Yea I do, is that a problem?
GF: Well yeah, it’s kind of nasty.
Me: Really? what makes it nasty?
GF: It’s shit! It’s like you’re associating me with shit!
Me: That’s completely not the case.
GF: Oh, so then how would you explain it?
Now this is where I break that little conversation and explain the human phobia which is a completely natural part of life. Basically, anything that excretes from the human body is treated with the utmost disgust;
snot, saliva, urine, defecation,
you name it. But why is that? Well it’s not like it’s only now been happening. Since the dawn of human civilization, human excretion had been treated like that; there is even one theory that the disgust for human waste brought about the invention of curse words. However, is it bad when I think about someone, e.g. my girlfriend, when I take a shit? Personally, I don’t think so, I mean let’s be real,
taking a dump is one of the best feelings a person can have (unless it’s a painful shit) right after Sex and eating. The feeling you get when you relieve yourself is one where you feel all the tension leaving your body. Not to mention I get the most inspired when I’m sitting on the toilet seat; most times I’m not even shitting but I’m just sitting there thinking, coming up with new ideas; my best ideas came from when I was sitting on the toilet.
If I had to rate where the best place in the house is, the bathroom would have to be number two, right after the Kitchen (Heh, number two, toilet humor). Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, basically if I think about you while taking a shit, you should feel privileged when that happens, because I experience the most relief and inspiration all in one place and in one act and to associate someone with such an act I would have to say is the sincerest form of flattery. So, the next time you see that special someone or even your close friends tell them this;
“I love you so much that I think about you while I shit”.