I started this Journal/Blog for a few reasons;
One – Putting my thoughts down on paper (or screen), helps me to cope and to understand what happens in my own mind, and my mind is one that is a torrential storm, always swirling around, sometimes never able to find peace.
Two – If I ever do decide to publish my thoughts (which I eventually did) hopefully someone can relate to my collection of insane, sometimes weird and sometimes deeply “philosophical” way of thinking.
Three – It helps with expressing my creativity and writing skills.
Which is why I’ll say not to expect an entry every day of the week; when I choose to write it’ll be because I feel I have something important to say, something that has been on my mind, or something that I know will help someone someday, I’m not going to come on here, to tell you how my day went or some frivolous fact about my life (well…most times.)
But it’s a place where I can paint, where my mind can be one with myself,
(yes, I know that statement sounds weird but let me have this one). I try so many times to control my mind, to express myself how I want to, but most times it just doesn’t happen. As I said
my mind is a swirling torrential downpour of concepts, ideas, theories, so many things going on at once,
that I can’t choose what to bring out; even right now as I’m writing this, I’m having trouble expressing what It is I really want to say and I’m just rambling…(*sigh*). In an earlier post I talked about flaws, that every human on earth has something that makes them less than society’s idea of perfection, we all strive after perfection but can never truly achieve it, because for the simple fact that we all are human (ugh I felt like I’ve said that statement a hundred times already) but yes it’s true,
like you and everyone else I am flawed, I’m the furthest thing from perfection, there are so many things wrong with me I can list, that others may not see;
but I’ll just talk about one for now and that is
Everyone experiences fear, some more than others and I am by no means singling myself out saying I’m somehow “special” but fear is something that has been a part of my life, since I recognized my own existence. It’s been a constant struggle, I still struggle with it from time to time…and it’s not the fear of anything or any phenomenon or even any person…
I am afraid…of myself.
(Wait…I just realized that made me sound like a psychopathic killer, I didn’t mean it like that.) When I say, I’m scared of myself, I meant that I’m afraid to move ahead…I’m afraid to express myself in the best way that I can, I’m afraid of rejection, I’m afraid of mediocrity, I’m afraid that I will never be good enough for anyone…and in a way…I’m afraid of being good enough…I really wish I could explain what I mean by that but honestly…I don’t even know myself. However, I try not to let fear control my life,
my thoughts have power, my words have power therefore I have power.
It is a struggle and it always will be, not everyone will or has the will to push fear aside, but you can damn well try.
Look for what makes you great, give yourself more credit for what you do and what you can contribute, nothing is too small, and what may be small in your eyes may be great in someone else’s. Always tell yourself you are mighty, you can move forward, and you can accomplish great things all you must do is make that first step
(I know it sounds like idealistic bullshit, but its bullshit that works) and I can say it has worked for me.
Start small and move up it takes time, but eventually you can grow in your greatness.
Photo: “The Mind’s Kaleidoscope” – Artist Unknown